Today, a saying popped into my mind, one that I first heard when I was in college, studying Japanese culture.
Fall down seven times, stand up eight. – Japanese proverb
Perhaps this saying popped into my mind because the past year has been incredibly difficult for me and, at times, I have wanted to just give up completely and throw in the towel on everything: family, career, health, everything!
At times over the past year, I have experienced the true meaning of phrases such as I feel like I’m drowning and I just can’t keep up. In the span of a year, we moved our entire household (imagine everything you own in boxes), not once but twice; we collapsed our 1000 square foot office into three separate office spaces in order to better serve our clients and cut down on unnecessary costs; we had a baby at the same time that my father-in-law died of a heart attack, was resuscitated, and is now in recovery; we gained three new employees and lost two of them due to life circumstances all within 3 weeks of the birth of my son and both left in the same week; then I started two new positions: one in the Reserves as a policy specialist and the other as the hypnotherapist in residence at a new integrative medicine practice. Meanwhile, my current clients still needed me to meet with them regularly, my business still needed me to implement strategy for growth and supervise daily operations, my older son still needed a mom, my husband still needed a wife, and I (theoretically) needed time to sleep, eat, exercise, brush my teeth, etc. (i.e. minimums for living).
With so much going on, I felt like I was failing constantly. Failing to live up to the standards that I had set for myself in terms of delivering outstanding service reliably at work; struggling to experience empathy towards others; losing focus on long-term objectives in light of constant daily crises. Every day, I felt like I was stumbling and disappointing everyone: my employees, my bosses, my family, and, most importantly, my true self. And at the same time, it felt like everything I did was barely the minimum necessary to keep up. On many days, it felt unbearable.
To deal with the stress and avoid burnout and depression, I practiced three things consistently. These three things were my salvation and kept me sane amid the never-ending demands on my time and emotions. Each day, multiple times per day, whenever I felt beaten down, exhausted, and almost hopeless, I would do the following three things:
- I would change what I was doing with my body so, for example, if I was sitting I would stand and move. If I was in private at home or my office, I would put on some music and dance; if I was at the Pentagon as a Reservist, I would do air squats and wall push-ups to get my heart-rate pumping or I would go to the head and just jump up and down to shake off pent-up energy and frustration.
- Next, I would close my eyes and focus on a memory of a time when I felt strong, accomplished, and full of joy. The memories I would call upon in these moments of despair were memories which provided me with proof positive that I am incredibly resourceful and have what it takes to succeed no matter what the challenge.
- Finally, from this place of conviction in my own capacity to succeed and my elevated energy level, I would speak positively to myself with certainty and enthusiasm. For example, I would say things like “This too shall pass!” or “Lesser people have survived more!” or “I can totally do this! I’ve got this!” Everything I said to myself refreshed me and gave me energy to refocus on finding solutions to the challenges I was facing in my life rather than focusing on the problem with despair.
My approach may seem simplistic and perhaps you may have been expecting something more involved for changing mental and emotional state in times of crisis. But it truly is that simple to find strength in moments where you feel weak, to find joy in moments where you feel sad, and to find courage in moments where you feel fear.
Try it for a week and let me know how it goes. But first remember: in order for this to work, you must first decide that you do actually want to feel better. Without the decision in place first, this will not work. However, I promise that once you decide you do want to feel better and then you do the three things listed above: change what you’re doing with your physical body, focus your mind on moments that support your desired state of mind, and speak to yourself in a positive way with conviction, your mental and emotional state will experience a massive shift and your day will improve dramatically even if nothing in your external environment has actually changed.