Some thoughts on femininity

As a woman, would you describe yourself as more masculine or more feminine at your core?

If you’re anything like me, that might be a very hard question for you to answer initially. I know that when I first learned about the concepts of masculine and feminine energies, it was very hard for me to stomach the idea that I had to embrace my feminine self in order to live authentically. This idea contradicted everything I had ever learned about men and women and while I now accept this as reality, at the time, I panicked because, frankly, I had no idea how to act not masculine and be feminine instead.

Now, just to be clear, I am actually feminine at my core; I did eventually figure that out. I initially had a hard time answering the question above because I’ve been conditioned since childhood to lead with the masculine side of my personality, the part of myself which allows me to take charge with confidence, make decisions quickly, speak authoritatively, focus for long periods of time, and control every aspect of my life. Simultaneously, since childhood and throughout adulthood, I was explicitly and implicitly encouraged to minimize the feminine side of my personality which is exuberant, wild, compassionate, inclusive, creative, and free.

While I accept that suppressing my feminine side may have been a necessity in the United States Marine Corps, where I spent over a decade on active duty as the only female pilot in the AV-8B Harrier jet community, I believe women should not have to go to such lengths in order to be treated with respect by their male counterparts. The decade where I pretended to be masculine at my core and completely ignored my feminine needs left me frequently confused over how to act and what to say, frustrated because I never felt like I fit in anywhere, and disappointed at the fact that the Marine Corps didn’t appreciate the skills, talents and perspectives I brought to the table as a feminine woman; rather, the Marine Corps expected me to act like a man, speak like a man and think like a man in order to receive the training, recognition, and awards that were bestowed upon my male peers serving in similar roles and achieving similar results to the results I was achieving.

And this implicit (or explicit) expectation for women to behave like men in the workplace is probably true in other organizations as well and it’s not going to change anytime soon. It will take time for people to accept that feminine energy is acceptable in the workplace and that women can do outstanding work even as they embrace their femininity. It will take time for women to drum up the courage to be honest with themselves and begin the process of undoing the masculine conditioning they have experienced since childhood. It will take time for men to realize that when a woman is in her feminine essence, she is not being ditzy; rather, she is bringing a fresh perspective to the situation, one that deserves merit and consideration, and has the potential to generate powerful ideas and sweeping change.

I’m sure I’m not alone. Do you sometimes feel confused over how to act in the workplace? Is there a part of you which knows you are not being authentic in your daily interactions? Does this lack of authenticity make it difficult to inspire others to follow you because, at times, it seems like you just can’t find your authentic voice? Do you feel tired and drained by your occupation and wish you could just be free to be yourself?

If any of this resonates with you, drop me a note and let me know your thoughts on masculinity, femininity and the true essence you need to embrace in order to live fully and authentically every day.

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